This is not going to be a cheerful, rousing or exciting film review. In fact, I'm so disgusted at the movie industry right now I will say in no uncertain terms that the movies this past fall and early winter were abysmal. Let's begin with:
1.
Breaking Dawn, pt. 2: This was possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. True Twi-hards who have stuck with the extremely overstretched series and are currently suffering through the detoxification of Edwardian Romance withdrawal have stubbornly insisted that it was a good ending. Let me be clear: it was not. I have never been so disappointed in Melissa Rosenberg (screenwriter of
Dexter.) At least with Stephenie Meyer, we KNOW that she writes barely digestible, highly old fashioned quixotic idealistic bullcrap. Rosenberg, Meyer and their team sanctioned a completely original "twist" at the end of the movie which was so over the top it was laughable. I actually enjoyed purist's screeches of horror in the theater and appreciated that the director, (who was hopefully truly messing with us for kicks and a paycheck) had probably spent weeks filming this "twist." The end result? Pathetic. The actors showed up, put on their clothes and make up, repeated lines blandly, smirked, and trained for this epic fight which never really happened.
Advice: Don't waste your money or your time.
2. Skyfall: I was so depressed by the BD2 review that I had to move on to the best film of the year. (Sorry,
Avengers.)
Skyfall was absolutely the best film of the year and I hope you were able to see it in theaters. (I did, twice.) I love good action movies and amazing stunts. This film had both. I appreciate strong female leads: this movie had three. I appreciate witty and believable banter: no one does that better than 'M' and 007. Add Ralph Fiennes into that caustic mix? Brilliant dialogue. Now, here's the level that most action films never touch: the emotional history and trauma of a world renowned hardened character, and the most important living relationship he might have with a mother figure.
Skyfall does both again. Besides the fact that the locations were beautiful; especially the locations like the casino in Macao, Shanghai and the actual Skyfall property Scotland.
Advice: See it in theaters, buy the DVD in the highest definition possible.
3. Jack Reacher: Honestly? I was not impressed with this film. I'd seen all the stunts before, seen Tom Cruise play this part before (this time without the charm, humor and romance of
Night and Day.) The story is from a long line of serial books with the same drifting character in his exploits at helping uncover the truth about military crimes. Was it entertaining? Yes, but the actual "case" evidence and unravelling was mediocre at best. Tom is also not at his best, I felt like he was just "cashing a paycheck." Is it worth seeing in theaters? Not really.
Advice: Rent it.
4. Les Miserables: (SPOILERS AHEAD). Okay, this is going to be a controversial post, because everyone else loved this movie, and there's a lot of "Oscar Nod" chitchat for the leads. Honestly? Most of the leads were sub par. Anne Hathaway (who looked nothing like the descriptions of Fantine in the book or Broadway show) did a heart wrenchingly good job singing "I Dreamed a Dream." Hugh Jackman's Jean Valjean was...acceptable. The singing was good enough ("Who am I?") not to cringe (which I truly did for Russell Crowe's Javert on "Stars"- what were they thinking?) and there were some truly emotional moments where I empathized so deeply for his misfortune that I tossed aside any disbelief that he might carry a small child fifty feet in the air with a small rope. Another major miscasting was with Amanda Seyfried. She was terrible. The entirety of Cosette's songs were completely out of her range. She ended up squeaking in falsetto in a painfully unromantic way at poor Marius. Also disappointing was Samantha Barks, who had the easiest job ever: to play Eponine, the role women everywhere had coveted at some point in their lives, and she totally botched it. I didn't care when she whined about loving Marius, or gave up her safety to help him out, or when she died in his arms. She DIED IN HIS ARMS and I still didn't care. The death song duet was beautiful though. Thank you Marius. So Eddie Redmayne played Marius, another hard-to-accept casting, but when he sang it was understandable why he was cast. He was tolerable. His "Empty Chairs and Empty Tables" was another of the three good song adaptations in the film. Also irritatingly over-typecasted were Helena Bonham Carter and Sasha Baron Cohen: they were simply boring, pathetic and not humorous at all. However, this entire review aside, I am completely biased. I saw the 25th Anniversary National Broadway Tour of
Les Miserables last February with performances so spectacular that I (as well as most of the crowd) literally sobbed THREE times during the course of the well known depressing show. It was a life changing experience. I'd seen over fifty such broadway show tours in my life time, thanks in kind to a decade of season tickets with mom at the Providence Performing Arts center, but this was clearly the best show I'd ever seen.
(You can read my review of the Broadway Tour here.) Valjean, Javert, Fantine, Eponine, Enjolras (rebel leader) and Cosette were perfectly cast based on talent. This movie? Not so much. Leave the singing to the real stars and you'll attain
Rent levels of appreciation.
Advice: See it in theaters for the spectacular cinematography, not the singing, but take a Dramamine before you go because the close up shots are often out of focus and blurry.
5. The Hobbit: What the hell was Peter Jackson thinking when he decided to make this lone book into
a trilogy to rival
Lord of the Rings? (Insert "Old Toby" joke here.) First of all, I actually saw this movie twice, both in 3-D (unremarkable) and in 2-D. The first time I saw it, it was entertaining enough and quick-paced enough to be three hours long and I hardly noticed (even at 12-3am) the second time, the movie was so long and irritatingly overfilled with action that I wanted to die. There are only a few scenes that are worth watching more than once, such as
the haunting "Misty Mountain" song that the dwarves sing in deep bass voices: something not commonly heard in mainstream movies. (Spoilers ahead.) Another enjoyable scene was Gollum's cave, and the final scene with the "flying bird" who travels from the group to the mountain and wakes the dragon by pecking on the cliff. Will I see the next two installments? Yes. Did it live up to my expectations? Yes. Was it pure to the original text of the book? Yes, with some additional wild imaginings.
Advice: See it in theaters once.
6. Django Unchained: If you like
Inglorious Basterds, you will love this movie. I for one, enjoyed
Inglorious Basterds and all of its gory, history-changing, satisfying rewriting of Hitler's demise. In true Tarentino style, Django had a few moments of flinchingly brutal assault violence, not unlike
300 or
Spartacus or any of Tarentino's other films. (Are we too desensitized to violence now?) Also like
Inglorious Basterds, it stars Christoph Waltz as a humorous, morally questionable bounty hunter/murderer. More notable is Jamie Foxx's Django however, (spoiler alert) who triumphs over almost impossible odds. Dark, violent, disturbing and not for young adults under the age of 18.
Advice: Rent it.
